Witnesses/ Les Temoins Episode Two-some notes and dialogue with review at the end. Minor spoilers only. In French with English subtitles. On in the UK on Channel Four or number 104 on Virgin Media TV with 142 being HD.


Episode Two
Some notes and dialogue on first watching.

So that was deep and meaningful.
Sandra and her daughter both put on make-up together.
Then Sandra gets out that damn lipstick again.  Then puts it on.  Gross/Yuk.

Max, Sandra’s Police Boss Max has just said:
“You’re making this too personal..” (already)

Sorry  Sandra I know you found putting on the lipstick was a way of vanquishing your unknown opponent in love.  However the colour is fairly vile.  On her.  Yes, that might be mean.  But I’m bored of the whole lipstick thing.

Then Sandra’s ex-Police Chief Paul Maisonneuve pauses for several long moments.  Before he announces that the reason she looks different is because she has lipstick on.  (not such a great Detective then)

Paul Maisonneuve to the gathered Detectives:
“I’ll do it, I’ll question him..”
“You know what this means?”
Paul Maisonneuve:
“Yes, I’m back on the force.

The interview.
Paul Maisonneuve scratches the edge of the chair. Sits behind the man.  Then makes up a story about a safe deposit box..

I could have sworn Sandra’s Detective partner just said:
“No way” then.
And she says:
Way”.. back.

But that isn’t possible because they’re both talking French.  My mind is wandering.  Boredom perhaps.
(OK that was a bit like what it said in the subtitles)

But wait, and old deserted farm/ cottage.  But nothing.  Then.  Some Detective says:
“It’ll take an an army to find him, the suspect..”
 “What with all the tunnels the Bosch dug during the war”!
Where?  In that field?

Paul Maisonneuve:
“The house carved into the (prison) wall”
“I know it..”

So now Sandra and Paul are at another old house.  He goes down into the basement.
Where there’s a picture on the wall.

Wait.  Sandra is staring.  sympathetically.  At Paul.
Yawns.  (me-not Sandra)   It’s all a bit yawn-some.

So the lipstick saga carries on.  What the hell.  Is Sandra really supposed to be this upset over a lipstick.  Apparently.

Now she’s looking at his mobile phone.  Yawn.  The word yawnsome has already occurred to me.

Me, I like Sandra’s Detective partner.  He seems almost like he’s on speed compared to her.  She’s like she’s on some kind of depressant.  Qualudes perhaps.

But wait, there’s a mysterious man.  Watching, from a cliff-top.  Standing next to a giant wooden crucifix.  Really.  Don’t ask me.

He stares at the back of Sandra.  Who I was calling Sandrine.  It just sounded more glamorous.

Is it over yet.

I already had a mishap with the on-demand and had to fast forward the episode from the beginning. Shockingly, there were moments when it was almost funny.  But on the whole the experience of watching the episode in fast-forward was extremely tiresome.

Well this has happened twice now.  I reckon I must be nearly at the end of the episode and I’ve jumped ahead somehow.  Boy this is truly irksome.

 I feel like I deserve a medal really.  For sitting out Witnesses this long.  Plus suffering through two whole fast forwards of the episodes.  Not fast enough.

(Yet) another cliché comes calling.  I’ve lost count really.  Sandra feels “faint”.  Not that she really looks any different than normal.

Oh yes.  Back to the mysteriously lurking man..With the correct tattoo..

Can’t even forward the Ads/Advertisements now.  In case it jumps back to the beginning again.  Like  (the film) Groundhog Day.

So Paul Maisonneuve stands and stares.  There’s a lot of staring in Witnesses/ Les Temoins.

A strange almost interesting moment then when the Bartender appeared and told the gathered Detectives and staring Paul to stop going on about corpses and show homes!  The (the bartender) insists that they all have a toast to Marianne!
(the bartenders wife ?)

Sandra and a young girl.
“There are times in life when you think you can’t cope..”
“But it will pass”.

Did I mention that witnesses is the anti-Spiral (series)  Like Spiral was having a spaced-out dream.

Sandra is too busy staring into space to notice that she is being followed.
So some real action occurs.

Sooo.  Stomp.  Stomp.  Stomp.  The drama goes a bit like The Terminator.
“Tell Paul the ghosts are back”.
Oo err.



So I am feeling another sooo coming on.  So I had better amend this to a well.  Well (deep subject- ha ha)  I feel like I have already written a review embedded in the episode notes.

I was that bored and distracted during the watching of Witnesses I have practically been doodling with words throughout.

This all enveloping boredom and ennui must be the reason, oddly, one might think, that I wrote such long episode notes on the last two episodes.  Not because I was enthralled with the drama and the telling of it thereof: nope.  Just doodling.   The complete opposite of transfixed in fact.

The combined effort of watching Witnesses coupled with the ever present hope that this activity might pay off in some way dramatically speaking: is about as interesting as watching the timer on the microwave count down to the end.

But with the microwave at least you extricate something useful and edible out of it.  With Witnesses you don’t.  Nope.   My endless, seemingly store of hope, expectation and patience has been expanded all in vain.

Sorry but I just don’t think I have it in me, patience that is, to watch any more of this drama.  Perhaps I would have had the reserves left to give on more episode a chance: if I hadn’t sat through two whole fast forwards of this episode as well.  but I did.

Witnesses, in my opinion is deplorable tosh.



OK, I am going to make a Herculean effort to watch the next episode, three..


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