The River- Episode Three-some notes and dialogue on first watching with Review Part TWO at the end. Minor spoilers only. Currently on in the UK both on Netflix and Syfy Channel numbers: 135/ 165 HD on Virgin media TV.

The River 

Episode Three-
“Los Ciegos”

Some notes and dialogue on first watching.

Aha.  We learn something about Clarke, the TV producer.  And we find out how all of the crew have a link to Doctor Emmet Cole.

AJ: (to camera)
“I’ll swim with piranhas, face down tornadoes, but I ain’t ever going in a
cave again!”

Great.  A cave.  And guess what.  Another warning signal.  And there’s a story about yet another spirit.

(high pitched squeal)
“What’s that?”
“It sounds like it’s coming from up ahead..”
It always is.

Lincoln makes an astute deduction-
“If it was safe out here, they wouldn’t have gone missing in the first place!”

“They’re out there now, watching us..”

(high pitched squeal, rustling)

(high pitched squeals. cries)

So this is full on proper horror.  What a simple but brilliant idea for a touch of horror though.

So I’m offski for a cup of tea..

So strangely, my TV froze at a moment when a hand slowly appeared…
(Then it refused to work for several long minutes.  Then, my/the door started swinging open..It did..)

“It’s how the jungle balances out, Yin and Yang..”

Kurt is on deck.
(rustilng continues)
There’s going to be a lot of that I feel.

So this is harsh.

The shifting shots of the different angles of the boat are sinister in apparition to watch. The scenes shift into each other.

Oh My Golly Gosh.

A bit of light relief.
A.J. to Kurt:
“Who do you think you are?”
“I’m from Tottenham!”
Ha ha.  Told you he was a Cockney.

Words you never want to hear as a patient:
“I’m going to have to cauterise your wound,”
“Don’t suppose you have any anaesthetic do you?”
“The other thing is, I can’t see”!

I’d better stop now.  For fear of getting too spoilery.  Plus I need both hands available to pull down my baseball hat.  Over my eyes.  At appropriate moments.

A bit of light relief.  I hope.
It’s funny hearing so many bleeps for Fucks.

Oh AJ.  I can’t look.
C’mon AJ my son..
“I found the fucking  Senido bulbs!”
AJ. My man, AJ.

Kurt speaks in German on the satellite phone.  It ain’t good.

(birds calling, insects buzzing)

Ah.  Poor Clarke watches on the screen.

Kurt and Clarke.
Bleeep off!”


So The River is certainly a rollicking ride on a roller coaster of horror.  The ride to horror town. and all points along the way.  I think if you have perhaps decided that The River is just too wild and crazy a drama-you would have given up on it by now.

 But maybe, like me, you haven’t.  I nearly did.  A few times.  But not for the utter craziness therein.  No-I’m fully accepting now.  I just wish it wasn’t some whole brand new-fangled horror idea every time.  That hitherto nobody thought of.  Or so it seems.  (In the history of horror)

Me, I’m looking on the watching of The River to be like a mini-workout for the heart.  Sending it off pumping into near palpitations.  Like an overweight hamster.  Too tight in his wheel.

It has belatedly occurred to me that we are told at the beginning, I believe: that, rather Blair-Witch Project-like:
“They left this footage behind”.  Oh dear.

I also realised that my description and first understanding of the reality show camera crew was not quite correct.  Or was lacking some information.  In that the film crew are the original producer, possibly cameraman and the same security guy who were all involved in the original Explorer TV show. Of Dr. Emmet Cole.

The River is definitely a one episode a go thing for me.  I think you would be a braver man/woman than me Gungadin, (it’s a saying-don’t ask me who Gungadin is) if you can watch two episodes in a row.

Me, I would have to be in a stalwart, perhaps carefully detached, slightly cynical mood.  Girded and prepared.  Remembering the comic aspect of schlock-horror.  Baseball hat on head.  And hoping to see the funny side of things.

But that metaphorical bump in the night-that fright-will still get me every time.

The River is like a human walking on stilts made of lead-eyes filled with horror.


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