Musical crimes against humanity: small note Tuesday 14th June 2011

List;

Number 1
at the moment
-Paul Hardcastle’s re-mix of Marvin Gaye’s I Heard It Through The Grapevine

Number 2
Just heard
sacre bleau!
Michael Buble singing I’m Stoned In Love With You by The Stylistics

Number 3
Michael Buble singing Americano and trying to sound like Frank Sinatra

Number 4
Maroon 5 singing Bill Wither’s song Lovely Day.
In fact anybody else singing this song.
However this rule does not apply to Ain’t No Sunshine By Bill Withers.

so wrong
so very wrong..

Made in Chelsea Cast List Part Two :16th June 2011 11:11pm G.M.T

Con/..from Part One Made In Chelsea Cast List

Millie:
A bit boring. We only see her as a secondary character. One of the brunette women. Oh so Very pale like she needs a transfusion. Hard to tell what the real colour of her face might be. Best friend with the beautiful Caggie and alternately romanced by the devilish Hugo. Really likes Hugo. Hangs out mainly with Caggie who i think is her best mate. She also sometimes hangs with Rosie. However this friendship is looking in jeopardy as Rosie also like Hugo..More on that later.

Millie buys a date with Hugo at a Batchelor auction for charity. Hence their date at the Sushi bar. Millie being the one drunken girl that night (that the other girls tut tut about) who sits giggling on Hugo’s lap. She also spontaneously starts snogging Hugo in the middle of a very posh Art Exhibition. If Art exhibitions can be posh. Apparently it’s not the done thing in Made In Chelsea to get drunk however snogging in public is ok. Millie mostly wear long strappy dresses that look like old fashioned bri-nylon nighties.

Rosie:
Rosie we know little about except that she is doing a degree since we see her in an un-named University library and she mentions her thesis to Hugo. This is when he comes to pledge his troth to Rosie right after a date with Millie whom he unceremoniously dumps and leaves behind gazing broken heartedly into the dark distance. Unfortunately Rosie has been informed of said snogging session at the Exhibition and turns Hugo down. Even though she really likes him.

Millie keeps asking Rosie if she has a problem with her going out with Hugo but Rosie keeps saying no. The girls generally do not stick together or tell each other the truth about their feelings for the guys. It seems to be every woman for herself.

In a rather hilarious scene we see Rosie call on a dog psychiatrist who comes to meet her, rather oddly, in the middle of a huge garden. Presumably so we plebs don’t see any of the houses up close and decide to burgle them i guess.

Insultingly, the Dog Doctor diagnoses Rosie’s dog as depressed and lonely, due to Rosie’s “single status”. Rosie rightly looks horrified at this patronising conclusion. Even if it is correct. I should think many of those tiny dog things get depressed being carried around like living dollies ensconced inside handbags after a while. Wonder what the dog psychiatrist tells couples whose dogs are depressed.

Rosie is really an old style film star:
Nb. At said charity Batchelor charity auction the knives are out or rather they are hidden under the table when Rosie looks daggers at Millie when she bids successfully for Hugo. Rosie has transformed like a caterpillar into a butterfly on this night. The one instance where deep red lipstick looks fabulous on somebody so young. Turning Rosie into a beautiful 40’s film star look alike and really quite ravishing.

Further note-i may be getting the name Millie wrong, it may be Amber, i will have to get back to you on that.

Caggie:
Caggie is the only blond girl in the cast apart from Chepsky. Quite unusual this, since reality shows seem to mainly be peopled by blond haired girls, especially American shows. On a scientific basis, this may not be truly comparable since it could just mean that the Made In Chelsea lot are not into dying their hair and the Only Way Is Essex cast are. Hence we cannot really ascertain the true proportion of blond girls Vs. brunettes.

As previously described, Caggie is very beautiful, it being hard to remember much her outfits. This is due to the law of great beauty in that clothing of such a person becomes secondary to their beauty and hence hard to remember or even notice. Caggie wears a lot of highlighter in her make-up, making her look shiny like she poured oil over her face, just before she went out.

to be continued
yet to do:

Francis Boules:
(totally hilarious and probably my favourite character if a little vile.)

Frederick:
long ginger/strawberry blond haired Viking look alike.

new appearance of male character
Jean Paul:
Very, very interesting this, as he is in competition now over the fair Agnes now with the vile fencing duo of Frederick & Francis..more will be explained in story so far

also
Agnes
Funda

Made In Chelsea:Quick Cast List-Part One.Tuesday 14th June 2011 6:53pm G.M.T

Ok with my scientist’s hat on and very big glasses as i peek down into the petri dish of Made In Chelsea:
i observe that there are a few similar themes to be found in reality shows evidenced by the similarity of the stories and of the character types. This conclusion is based upon my observations of all these kind of shows purely watched for scientific purposes you understand..

Character Types;
The Doltish dastardly and exceedingly handsome Lothario (a player in modern terms)

The Beautiful Alpha Female Main Character of the Women
and/or the ex-girlfriend of the above

The Beautiful Dopey Man So Handsome You Need Sunglasses
however woefully wooden and dull

Vampish Free Spirit Female Character
She may have a real talent and or have and run her own business

The Baby Faced Guy Who Can’t Get or Keep Women
Doesn’t get taken seriously by the women

Made In Chelsea Cast List:
In Order Of Appearance
Ollie:
previously named Longhair by me until i found out his name. Comes under the category of dopey beautiful man. First words spoken that i heard were:

“How’s my hair? Should i have it on the other side?”
most memorable utterance:
“Have you stolen my eyelash curlers?” (angrily) to his sleeping girlfriend, first thing in the morning..

Binky:
Long black hair, uncannily like Ollie in appearance who is her best friend along with Chepsky. Fairly evil. Supremely unsympathetic to people crying. Never tells the truth to her girl mates when asked.

Chepsky:
Ditto to above. Best friend of Binky and Ollie. Long blond hair. Good on sensible advice. Binky and Chepsky seem to be secondary characters in that we know nothing about their lives and only ever see them in conversation with the other characters, mainly Ollie, together with him they are like the three Musketeers.

Unlike the other characters The Three Musketeers do have a bit of a laugh sometimes. Well they think they do however they are mostly telling truly dreadful jokes and talking about the reproductive habits of worms..

Spencer:
The Lothario. Extremely good looking. However vain and vacuous much like Mark from The Only Way Is Essex. Piercing blue eyes and a bit of a sulk sometimes where he lifts his chin up. Has the hallmark signs of a controlling and old-fashioned sexist man. (again like Mark from The Only Way Is Essex) However does have a nice chest. Does not seem to have a sense of humour.

Hugo:
Spencer’s best friend. Also dark of hair like Spencer. Has that dreadful fine shaved moustache meets tiny lined beard thing going on. It looks a bit daft on someone so young. It has the effect of making him look like :
a) somebody drew on his face with a marker pen
b) a scheming courtier from the Court of Louis XIV perhaps.

Hugo, handsome as he is, is a bit Lechy. (as in lecherous)
He says to his date Millie:
“you look beautiful, you make me hot under the collar!”
“Your dress is a little provocative”..

nb. On his first date with Millie, one of the brunette ever so pale women, he makes an unforgivably off colour joke to my mind when Millie doesn’t like the chili in the Sushi that he has just fed her:
Millie says”That’s the worst thing you ever put in my mouth”!
Hugo replies:
“Not anything as bad as what you’ve put in your mouth”!

Millie is embarrassed enough by this to actually look to camera (to the cameraman).
However she does not get up and walk out like i was secretly wishing that she would…

Hugo claims not to ‘get’ sarcasm but you think he is being sarcastic making rude comments. However he thinks he is flirting but it just comes across as creepy. He even commits the unforgivable sin of slavering over a girls sleep-over and making the (groan) usual comments…

Maybe it’s acceptable when you are rich and extremely handsome if a little evil courtier who looks like he could have been chatting up the Ladies in their powdered wigs and bustiers centuries ago. In the Court of Louis XIV The Sun King perhaps.

Hugo would then have been resplendent in diamond buckled shoes, a starched and frilled cravat, fetching tights and doublet of the finest silk. No doubt. Cackling away behind his hands to his best friend Spencer, passing billet doux, hand written notes instead of text messages.

It struck me at one point that the conversation style of laconic bored and sarcastic sounding ‘quips’ or mot de jours transported to the 2st Century employed by the boys and perhaps to some extent the girls is all very Jane Austen in style and flavour. Just not anything like so witty..

to be continued