Made In Chelsea
What can i say. Mostly this series has boringly concentrated on the lovelorn antics of officially bonkers-in-love-Binky. Along with her dole faced boyfriend Alex, with his possibly 3-D printed multi-storied sweeping sideways quiff. Thing. Add that to annoying levels of beard under the chin meeting patches of actual beard. No. You look like Teen wolf.
Sorry to be so judgemental but beard under chin: whoever thought that was a good idea? Only really the Detective on Arne Dahl can carry off this look. I forgave him after a while and forgot my initial aversion. Hey lets have hairy necks too. Grrr.
You see Alex has treated Binky in mostly cavalier, scrub that, in a less than cavalier manner. Binky and Alex are the Ross and Rachael of Made In Chelsea. I forget: one of them might have been on a break but these Alex dalliances, the numbers started building up. Eventually culminating in an orgy.
Of course in true couple defensive style, Spencer was blamed by both Binky and Alex for the orgy. Or rather for leading (supposedly) Alex he of the neck muff into officially wicked ways..
Gimp face, I mean Alex, was presumably a consenting adult at he time. However Alex appeared to have superficially convinced himself and therefore hoped to convince all others: that he had no memory of shagging when drunk. Yep. No memory at all.
Not long after the orgy reveal, Alex kind of crumbled, possibly tired of walking the streets of Chelsea looking permanently bereft and wearing terrible bomber jackets.
yes, i digress, Alex crumbled and confessed to being:
Caught in a tunnel, a dark tunnel of lying”.
This all sounded very serious. Poor Alex. Such Sci-fi confusion and adventure, trapped to boot! In this terrible tunnel. And no one noticed.
Well i think that’s what Alex said. I may have been distracted at the time by imagining slowly slapping Alex around the face with a metaphorical wet fish. Very slowly. Let me stress, this is all purely imaginary of course.
Wake up Alex, you have inexplicably lost your get out of jail free card for being extremely handsome. For the time being.
Meanwhile bonkers in love Binky has rejected and denied access to all her closest girl friends. Binky inexplicably shouts at increasingly angry levels every time the subject of Alex is brought up. Or even if Alex, the over-riding subject of the day hasn’t been brought up. This makes no difference.
Since Binky is now displaying near Stockholm syndrome symptoms, having fallen in love with her captor Alex who cleverly traps her in his tiny world wherein he can only be faithful if he is with Binky.
(and doesn’t drink away from her either)
Oh yes and throughout all of the above, Alex still manages to portray himself to Binky as the perpetual victim. How Binky has bought into all this mind manipulation from Alex, heaven only knows.
Alex, with his simpering smiles and sideways glances to nowhere has sucked Binky in like he was some kind of body-snatcher. From alien climes. His seeming superficiality has surreptitiously ensnared her.
Poor Binky, once so proud and independent, repeatedly tossing her shiny black mane in defiance at everything and unfairness of any kind. Loyal and best friend of the estimable Lucy. Once Binky was unconcerned whether she had a man and went out with her friends.
Now, Binky has sadly been swallowed up by the man squid. Otherwise known as “that gimp”. So aptly named by the Goddess of Made In Chelsea and all mothers. Binky’s incandescently beautiful and straight talking wise Mum.
Man squid with squid hair or just plain squid head: i can’t decide.
Meanwhile poor Spencer, gleaming with youth and appearing to have slightly shrunk in size, has returned from the South of France. Where one wonders if Spencer was party to some rejuvenating elixir of the Gods. Hey, for all we know, Spencer really is a God and disappears to his Greek temple for the holidays.
Whatever, Spencer is looking younger and fresher than before. I guess that’s what holidays do. However all this mystery around Spencer only adds to his whole Dorian Grey type role in this scenario with Alex.
However dastardly squid hair head Alex has painted himself a young and or vulnerable pawn in Spencer’s supposedly Dorian Grey type affairs.
Of course Spencer is not Dorian Grey like at all and has always been a rather nice character with regular erotic and romantic interludes in amongst variable amounts of serious efforts at long term relationships. Spencer as a character is just painted as falling at the last post in a metaphorical steeple chase in love.
Then there is tall and stalwart Lucy. My favourite character in the women. Lucy was once hugely unpopular for no particular fault of her own that i could gather, Other than possible jealousy. Poor Lucy had been subject to scathing and sarcastic remarks from the so called cool or in gang. Even though, for Made In Chelsea, there really is no such thing or discernible division.
Lucy had been attacked by all and sundry. Lucy walked tall and came to various parties and mad hatter tea party type futuristic dos. Lucy went alone to those parties all. Slowly, Lucy triumphed. With her sensible straight talking ways and quirky humour, she won over her adversaries one by one.
In other news Mark is designing his own pocket hanker chief line. His favourite design being based and inspired on a photo of Mark diving into a sparkling blue pool. The photograph is amazing and could be on an art or photographic gallery wall. The photo was taken by Mark’s beloved Housekeeper, Maria.
Maria, who once on Made In Chelsea Mark pined over by Skype when Maria stayed to look after Mark’s family elsewhere for the summer. Mark was bereft and declared loudly to the ever silently smirking Rose, who was on a visit, that his place was just a mess, without Maria. His place was. Well, for Mark.
Mark’s sexuality has always been unclear. The matter did not seem important really. Mark was, well, Mark Francis: dispenser of bon mot juste at carefully arranged moments by the makers of the show.
Mark’s rare indeed very rarefied path doth cross, oops, accidentally with some of the lesser mortals of Made In Chelsea. Mark of the witty quips and the exquisite taste in everything, or so he has declared and of the 1000 watt cheeky schoolboy smile.
Lately, I have been wondering if Mark might be a little bit fond of Rosie, Just the way he was looking at her. Ah.
Mark, apart from his mysterious solo walks where he is come upon accidentally of course by the others in the cast, is mostly pictured with his cronies, friends Victoria and the indeterminably aged and accented, Sophie.
Victoria, nicknamed Cruella De Ville by either Rosie or Millie in a previous series, likes nothing better than to delicately do down some perceived to be plebbish person. Worse: an un-stylish Oik. Jolly japes are tossed back and forth between Victoria, Sophie & Mark like badminton cones.
Now Victoria, also known as Cruella de Ville delights in taking this denigratory word play up a notch and take down some real live victims. Victoria was simply beastly to Cheska, what exactly she did now, momentarily eludes me. It was down at the skating rink and merry quips and barbs flew. Between Victoria and Sophie, and Lucy, Cheska and company.
I remember the dinner table take-down of Cheska by Victoria. praying mantis-like in her lanky appearance but with a Venus fly trap for a head.
However it was poor Victoria’s parents I felt sorry for as she sprayed the F-bomb all over an exquisitely prepared table and meal. All that expensive education and the F-word is the only adjective that Victoria can come up with, when pressed (or under pressure) with which to insult Cheska.
Well now that’s a bit ratched.
New Series of Made in Chelsea started tonight, Monday 11th Sugust 2014 in the Uk-yey!
The Made In Chelsea crew are all hanging out in New York for the summer. All with their own individual :