Silent Witness-A Slating.
New Series-Episode 1 & 2
A Short synopsis of Silent Witness and the sexism therein.
So: 1st episode of silent Witness , New Series. Not to be confused with the Walking Dead although hugely similar.
Compromised of the Pathologist (Nikki) and her team of forensic scientists, mainly Jack and eponymous Tech (Computer expert) lady Clarissa. Oh and new and super smooth but not snooty boss. Against whom the simpering whingeing and whining head Pathologist Nikki has some kind of passive aggressive sulk grudge going on.
Only ever having watched two episodes of Silent witness (they come in pairs) and not knowing the background to this tedious emotional back story, I can only presume that fluffy haired insipidly unassertive Nicky must have been officially or unofficially in love with the last boss.
Since, laboriously for a drama, Nicky proceeds to act out her signposted hurt and or grief. Did the last boss die or just move on? Who know. Who cares.
Perhaps it was Nicky’s Farah Fawcett hair that really only Farah Facett Majors
and other 90’s heroines far, far, more ballsy and proactive than Nicky could ever carry off. However Nicky’s forever perfectly blow-dried flappy and feathered bonce was just the icing on the cake of her complete and cursory characterlessness.
“Oh dear, I simply cannot make my mind up”
Nicky dithered and dallied.
Having to go to find sarcastic Scottish forensic man Jack in changing room number four. Whilst he conveniently sat shirtless, in official me, man mode preparing to go out and box.
“Oh but am I right or am I wrong?” Nicky blithered on. Addressing mostly the radiator in her woe.
“I really, really, don’t have time for this!”
reiterated Scottish colleague, Jack. Yes. He has man muscley upper body stuff to do!
“Help me with this!”
He demands of Nicky. Waving at this bandages for his hands. Although oddly he never donned gloves.
Nicky dutifully gets on her knees on the ground before him and obeys.
Nicky gets on her knees on the ground to take a DNA swab from a little girl. Practical plus kind perhaps. However, whatever happened to a chair?
Same Scottish forensics scientist Jack also barks peremptorily of a woman Detective at a crime scene:
“Get on your knees!”
Which order she instantly and meekly obeys. she stays down there in obeisance whilst Scottish guy yanks her head to one side and the other to demonstrate the path of a bullet. She is seen, eventually released from this task, uncomfortably getting up and wiping her knees.
Quite what the role of the Detective lady was in solving the crime was/is unclear since this role was mainly taken up by an over world weary and worn Detective Leighton When he lit eyes upon the lady Detective whom he knew, we inferred, in the biblical sense: Detective Leighton immediately went all gooey eyed and asked her out.
The Detective lady had made an appearance earlier with fluffy headed in every way Nicky. The Detective lady gabbling in breathy nonsensical sentences like someone on an E-Ecstasy.
I guess Detective Leighton and the floor dwelling, breathy yet nonsensical lady Detective must have had to confer.
Trouble is, as this conferring so consisted of them gabbling a few words about the cast to each other whilst falling into snogging embraces in dark glass walled corridors. it was all most odd and unlikely.
Oh yes and the plot. What on earth, as Nicky pondered only about 3/4 of the way through the episode; could a man called Dreyfus and a man called Freedman possibly have in common?!
It was all meant to be dreadfully serious artful and wittily dark. With jolly quips aplenty.
But instead Silent witness was just horribly twee, contrived, completely unbelievable both in setting and in character and yes, inherently sexist as described.
One can only wonder what a Scandinavian Policewoman would have said to such a request (to get on your knees) or more likely done!
The only half-way believable character being the super smooth boss who spoke his lines so effortlessly with exactly the same timbre and tone throughout. He probably sounds like that when ordering just how he likes his boiled eggs for breakfast in a posh hotel.
Oh yes and he has to therefore win Nicky over to his charm and presence or life on this earth (if the old boss is dead) So he saves her favourite chair from being inexplicably taken away in a van.
In fact apart from super smooth like he is Brylcreem boss and a good turn by the French accented Dreyfus: the most interesting thing that kept stealing my attention away in Silent witness was the furniture in the new boss’s room.
Yep. The furniture. Now that’s really saying something.
Oh wait, the room is going all wavy like a time warp: I am getting a flashback to some wondrous wall paper filed away as an image in my mind. It was from an episode of Silent witness, I remember it now! It was in deeply dippy Nicky’s flat.
When for reasons I cannot remember, previous Pathology boss was sleeping in Nicky’s flat. Usually such a situation derives from an evil psychotic murderer getting hold of a character’s keys.
All I do remember is how Nicky kept saying that she liked having dishy black haired pathology boss there and that she was lonely! Well no wonder he went away. Never ever admit that oh feathered haircut one!
(plus she kept waking him up, by asking him if he was awake!)
However the wallpaper I can remember in fine detail, blue and silver it was. So there we have it! Furniture and wallpaper in Silent witness are more memorable than the story.
Episodes 3 & 4
More adventures of Nicky, the fluffy headed Pathologist and the snarling (mainly) Scottish sidekick, Jack.
Nicky is told that she , as head Pathologist, has been described as:
and isn’t insulted! Instead looks complemented and blushes girlishly.
Then! the dishy Lawyer presses/holds Nicky’s hand. As if he would do that to a male Pathologist.
Meanwhile the handsome murderer (aren’t they always?) is starting with his first in the usual tantalising string of flashbacks..
Nicky is ickily sympathetic to the hard boiled Police woman:
“I guess this case has been hanging over you for year?”
(err)”Not as much as for the victim’s families” the Policewoman replies.
Of course another mainly Scottish accented manly man presents the case.
Fluffy head is dressed in a hideous peach jacket and sipping her drink through a straw. Oh dear.
Then Nicky meets the dapper Solicitor for a drink, surely most unprofessional? She giggles and laughs:
“ha ha ha”!
“…hence she is this raging bull-cow woman..”!
This is how snooty Lawyer describes the Police woman. Who I liked a lot better than fluffy head.
Of course the Police woman is officially assertive and hard boiled so she has no make up on. Yet she too, like the Tech lady Clarissa has been visited by the curse of the fluffy headed fairy..
Ah, now the moody murderer is burning family photographs in a metal cauldron. Where do characters in dramas find these metal drums: are they just lying around?
So fluffy head gets into a spot of bother. Clue: never a good idea to go into a council flat of a suspected mad murderer/or scape-goated ex-soldier with Post Traumatic stress late at night. Anyway Nicki is now cowering in the corner and the whole SWAT team are out to save her arse.
What the Scottish snarling colleague Jack says when Nicki comes out staring dewy eyed into space to denote her mini bout of Post traumatic stress:
“Why don’t you ever listen?!”
“I told you!”
Another meeting in the Laboratory with angry shouting man in charge. Nicki finally puts her finger on the situation:
“Does the little woman get a say in this?”
So Nicki is staring at photos in her flowery top. Jack is loading a gun in the lab and firing it all macho like into the wall..