Made in Chelsea New Series! on in the UK started sometime in October 2012
(This was written back in October)
Well Dear readers i missed out reviewing the last series of Made in Chelsea because i was so engrossed in it. T’was brilliant, wasn’t it?! Well it thought so.
Now its back with a bang or more like a muted well mannered whimper.
Such shenanigans last series:can this one match up? Oh how we sighed and trembled over the love triangle of Spencer, Louise and Jamie. Sympathasized with Millie and her variously broken heart and glorious haughty rebuke at the Country House Spa.
Worried for mute and eternally distance gazing Louise Picked up and set down repeatedly at whim by Spencer like a favourite China Dresden shepherdess on the mantelpiece Louise: he’s using you! He only wants you when he can’t have you we uselessly silently invoked her through the screen.
Poor Jamie, glowing and incandescent with joy at his finding his one true love of Louise. A woman not taller than him.Their first laughing date playing golf in the park. Her dreadful dotty baggy leggings.
All so cruelly dashed as a fairytale by the capriciously jealous Spencer, arguing over Louise with Jamie with the seething fury of a small boy whose treasured bag of sweets had been stolen. Of course Spencer had his wicked way, near kidnapping Louise away for a drive in Dubai. Her all bemused by magically appearing red Ferraris the night air, palm trees and sparkling lights all around.
Poor Jamie, heart broken near weeping and fuming with rage. His love affair in ruins as Louise, crestfallen, looks embarrassedly to the side when confronted on the London doorstep back at home.
Although when all was said and done Louise and Jamie had only gone out a few times. However Spencer knowingly broke the mate’s rule. Never interfere in a relationship or a possible one once your friend has declared their feelings to be strong for them.
Spencer ignored this rule and broke his best friends’s heart. He apparently didn’t know the other rule either:never let a boyfriend or girlfriend come between you and your best mate. Oops.
We did delight in all the dalliances or rather daily doings of the other characters. Hugo finally falling in love and retiring from his partying ways. His incredibly beautiful pint-sized princess-alike girlfriend with the delicately pointy chin who went to meet Hugo’s grinning and stubbled dad in his pad in Dubai. Ahh. The restaurant there in the Dubai hotel with the giant aquarium in the restaurant..
Hugo dispensing wise wisdom as ever to Spencer but forever ignored.
The cruella de ville persona of evil lip curling Victoria eternally plugging her swim-wear collection with her wonderful husky voice. The tiresome shots of women’s bots in said swimwear as they lounge in delightful sunlight around dappled and sunlit pools and beaches in various parts of the world.
The irrepressible Mark Francis who lives like some latter day original gentleman, pre-occupied with the niceties of his suits, their material and cut like a modern day P.G. Wodehouse if Bertie had cared about his clothes.
The inscrutable and ever smirking Rosie, the face that launched a thousand ships, or could have when she is in full make up and morphs into a 1940’s film Movie Star beauty.
Still standing after all the cataclysmic events Rosie is the anti-girlfriend. s in the mate who listens to her girl-mate’s woes and heartbreak and makes suitably soothing noises but is really the mysterious woman said boyfriend has dallied with and the cause of her own friend’s heartbreak.
Rosie is really loyal to the men, or man and so is the dark matter of the girl code. She will then go and gossip about everything her best friend has told her to the man and his mates. Rosie is never happier than when hanging out with the guys. She will implode all of her friends’ relationships given half the chance, will never hug them when they cry and will give them really bad advice.
The asperger-like Francis. The labrador-locked wotsisname (it will come to me) who could hang upside down from bars in the park and still answer his phone. Hey, why hadn’t it fallen out of his pocket?
The ever mouth twitching Richard. Of golden locks and mysterious business. Pursuing a serious relationship with Kimberley of the white jeans and cheeky smile. Who seemed to walk with unseen music. Who can forget the hideous and excruciating dinner scene in the Italian Villa as embarrassed and empty silences ticked on painfully at the diner table as the nightmare gathering of inexplicably invited Cheska, Gabriella, Binky and dullard long hair Ollie faced Kimberley and Richard over dinner.
Cheska was jealous you see. Cheska fell in love with Richard but unfortunately not he with she.
Now they are all back and shock horror;there are no more hilarious and existential pregnant pauses in conversations! & my TV guide described made in Chelsea as:”Scripted reality”. No. It can’t be! Don’t ruin the illusion. i believe it all. i do.(no really)
So:To The New Series!
Yes, no more hilarious silences between characters as they stare mutely at each other, having run out of things to say!
I guess its like not having a job or much of a life when you have nothing much to talk about really. Except what you’ve seen on TV. except, instead, they have their where I’ve been wintering this year or who I’ve seen with who. & that’s pretty much it. still. We love it!
So Lousie, is lying about limply as usual. Clad in flowing white Kaftan gown, artfully shrugged off one shoulder. Lying in the sunshine in wicker chairs by dappled pools. Conversations take place in water.
By which i mean bikini-clad lovelies chat to young men whilst standing in the swiming pool. Its kind of like an outdoor extension of a bar. Except no sunken stools or bars.
In an oddly unbalanced interchange:Spencer uses the edge of the pool to deliver a brstling rebuff to fair newcomer Andy standing below him in the pool. All very odd.
Andy, who really is most gallant since he has bravely approached Lousie on her wicker chair and told her he had:
“admire her from afar” and was hopeful that she and Spencer didn’t work out! (OMG)
Somehow young Andy managed not to look creepy in this approach to Lousie. I felt it was rather brave of him myself since Andy had already been warned by his best friend (since 14) Jamie that Spencer would react to any overture towards Lousie like a polar bear:”He’ll bulldoze you”Jamie warned andy. Jamie was right.
Yet Andy held his own and stood firm and dignified during spencer’s creepy controlling edict to him:
“If you chat up my girlfriend you will have trouble with me”.
Spencer confusing himself there possibly with the God of free speech and conversation?
Warning bells Louise: bad sign of a controlling man. Run now. Whilst you can. It will only get worse…
Spencer just made himself look stupid. Nobody can lay down the law about who can speak to who when its your girlfriend or boyfriend. Deeply sad. Ladies if you think that’s all very romantic: its romantic like Tony in Scarface is romantic. Spencer went all Mafioso.
Now I don’t like Spencer any more. Especially since last time i saw Spencer he was on The Bachelor declaring that sweet bee-stung lipped Chloe was his one true love. Broke her heart then? If it was all manufactured then it looked pretty damn real for Chloe. So Spencer told the girls on The Bachelor that he and Louise “didn’t work out” and he told Louise that over the summer he “kissed a few girls”, that was The Bachelor Why did Spencer do it then? We actually believed him. Mainly ’cause he didn’t need the money?
Well:so much has happened since the first few epsisodes of the new series:most of which could be summed up by the wise words of Mille:who described the appearance of newcomer Andy on the scene as akin to a new alpha male challenging the old begrizzled one of Spencer. OK Millie didn’t say begrizzled however she was spot on. Trying to remember which animalsMillie used as an example:think it was lions. I would portray it as two silver-backed gorillas myself..
i am going to finish for now here however there is more to come on my Blog on Made in Chelsea including some random scenes and the sad and sorrowful tale of Herbie’s goodbye…