New! or rather:Newsflash!:Made In Chelsea fans:New Series starting next Monday on E4 in UK Monday 19th September &10pm

Yes, Oh patient Made In Chelsea fans, Les Miserables of Chelsea return! The beige faced and forever beige wearing beautiful bevy of the bored and bonkers are back. Sorry, it’s “Camel”, well at least that’s what they think.

No mopey & mooning uselessly over Spencer Caggie this time. She is staying in New York to pursue her acting career. Don’t give up the day job Caggie. Oh, you don’t have one, that’s ok then. She actually could sing, like a raspy voiced Rihanna, she did try to do one of her songs but it’s tough being posh and singing about life on the streets at a garden party at the Stately home of one of your mates..

Also, no Funda i presume, my favourite woman character and the only one who appeared to have a pulse. Lo and behold, is this exciting or not? we will discover which, the daughter of Phillip Greeen will be in it.

More mournful and miserable mooching about by the moneyed mob who never ever smile. Or laugh. Especially out loud. Smirk, sneer, cackle cruelly yes. Spencer has the first two covered, the less than delightful girls who possess no girl code whatsoever have the cackle sewn up. Whilst they stir their witches brew, stare impassively as an uncool one Gabi, breaks her heart and weeps before them. Whilst they worship inexplicably at the Court of the ego that is Ollie..

At least my heroine, Funda, made a brilliant and dramatic exit from said garden party after hissing with cool and restrained vehemence at the dastardly Spencer who had summarily dumped her in order to take his love, sorry, lust object Caggie to Cannes.

Likewise Gabi smiled in style at the loathsome yet beautiful Ollie who was in full on pity patronising mode over her broken heart engendered by his deciding, finally, that he was gay. Or rather bisexual. Sure. He just can’t make his mind up over who is the prettiest one that comes near to his Godly beauty. Like in the pick ‘n mix department of Woolies..Of course, that’s it, he never went to Woolies and splurged harmlessly, without leaving a trail of broken hearts behind him..

Will the vacuous yet handsome Spencer still be plotting courtier like with his best friend the devilishly handsome Hugo? Who looks like he has popped in from tea with the sun King? Hugo, so whip cord thin and sweet of heart, dispensing advice like a wise old sage to the ever eternally infantile Spencer.

Hugo the true gentleman, Spencer the cad and the bounder. Lucky for them they are in this century or Spencer would long ago have succumbed in a duel with Hugo his second, looking on in glum fondness and noting what a shame for Spencer’s fine cravat to have become stained so. If only Spencer had left the ladies alone…

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