New:Made In Chelsea:The Finale, Musings 7th July 2011

The Final Episode Of Made In Chelsea

Well the final episode was a bit flat i felt. The character being all rather wooden as it is and about as animated as dead fish lying on a layer of ice and staring up at you with lifeless unemotional eyes. Consequently when there is even less fizz an pop per se in terms of drama, human interest and slight dramatic tension, the whole thing resembles something that needs electric paddles attached and someone somewhere to call importantly:”Clear!”.

I did enjoy Made In Chelsea however when i came to write about it and my favourite story lines i had an awful revelation. Which was that they were not real story lines at all were they? They were non story lines.

Hence we have the non love story of Spencer and Caggie. The ultimate bore and flat ending to the classic:Will he get to the airport in time to declare his love? Did we really care at the end? I didn’t. Spencer was hugely unconvincing trying to emote unsuccessfully whilst driving supposedly frantically but hardly frantic at all in his big bad black beast Jeep to the airport..Spencer looked about as bothered as if he had spotted a small wrinkle in his suit. Or was deciding what colour silk pockerchief to put in the top pocket.

Then there was the non modelling career of Ollie who won’t cut his hair. Amongst my favourite Ollie clangers or Ollieisms as i have hereby named them was Ollie’s interview with his prospective modelling agent. Frederick, he of the lovely long locks of ginger gold or is it strawberry blonde, asked by Ollie of similarly long locks presumably in the hope that Frederick’s agent at Storm was receptive to long haired male models, had given Ollie his modelling agent’s number. Cue a hilarious non-interview with Ollie refusing point blank to cut his hair when told by the agent that this was the only way he would get work.

Incredibly, meaning it had to be seen to be believed, Ollie also manages to insult the agent in the process by grimacing at the agent’s big ears! Although it was lost on rather dim but beautiful Ollie, the agent subtly insulted him back by pointing out in a matter of fact way that Ollie’s hair style was last seen in “the 70’s on Paul Nicholas”!. Ouch..The silly thing being that Ollie, already very gorgeous to be true, looked even more stunning with his hair pulled experimentally off his face.

These being examples of the non-happenings in Made in Chelsea. A strange thing happened when i came to look back on this programme and hence to write about it:which was that with the distance gained by time i found it very hard to care! I usually prefer to write about things i really like or care about as programmes. The cast of Made In Chelsea i propose were so cardboard as to be like giant cut-outs vulnerable to falling flat with just a little tap. They spent a great deal of time, in retrospect, standing around completely silently and staring impassively at each other. This was when they were meant to be having an actual conversation. All very bemusing.

They had about as much empathy for each other as ascientist looking down upon an interesting experiment involving meth-addicted mice. The girls were supremely uncaring and prone to standing unmoved in the face of a fellow friend piteously sobbing their eyes out over a break-up. I could imagine said friend telling them:”Yes, the Doctors told me i only have so many months to live, or,Yes, i have to have my leg/foot off tomorrow”! Their so called mate would be nodding still, face expressionless and stony like a statue..

to be continued(going to post this before my computer crashes and i lose it all again)

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