Made In Chelsea:Quick Cast List-Part One.Tuesday 14th June 2011 6:53pm G.M.T

Ok with my scientist’s hat on and very big glasses as i peek down into the petri dish of Made In Chelsea:
i observe that there are a few similar themes to be found in reality shows evidenced by the similarity of the stories and of the character types. This conclusion is based upon my observations of all these kind of shows purely watched for scientific purposes you understand..

Character Types;
The Doltish dastardly and exceedingly handsome Lothario (a player in modern terms)

The Beautiful Alpha Female Main Character of the Women
and/or the ex-girlfriend of the above

The Beautiful Dopey Man So Handsome You Need Sunglasses
however woefully wooden and dull

Vampish Free Spirit Female Character
She may have a real talent and or have and run her own business

The Baby Faced Guy Who Can’t Get or Keep Women
Doesn’t get taken seriously by the women

Made In Chelsea Cast List:
In Order Of Appearance
previously named Longhair by me until i found out his name. Comes under the category of dopey beautiful man. First words spoken that i heard were:

“How’s my hair? Should i have it on the other side?”
most memorable utterance:
“Have you stolen my eyelash curlers?” (angrily) to his sleeping girlfriend, first thing in the morning..

Long black hair, uncannily like Ollie in appearance who is her best friend along with Chepsky. Fairly evil. Supremely unsympathetic to people crying. Never tells the truth to her girl mates when asked.

Ditto to above. Best friend of Binky and Ollie. Long blond hair. Good on sensible advice. Binky and Chepsky seem to be secondary characters in that we know nothing about their lives and only ever see them in conversation with the other characters, mainly Ollie, together with him they are like the three Musketeers.

Unlike the other characters The Three Musketeers do have a bit of a laugh sometimes. Well they think they do however they are mostly telling truly dreadful jokes and talking about the reproductive habits of worms..

The Lothario. Extremely good looking. However vain and vacuous much like Mark from The Only Way Is Essex. Piercing blue eyes and a bit of a sulk sometimes where he lifts his chin up. Has the hallmark signs of a controlling and old-fashioned sexist man. (again like Mark from The Only Way Is Essex) However does have a nice chest. Does not seem to have a sense of humour.

Spencer’s best friend. Also dark of hair like Spencer. Has that dreadful fine shaved moustache meets tiny lined beard thing going on. It looks a bit daft on someone so young. It has the effect of making him look like :
a) somebody drew on his face with a marker pen
b) a scheming courtier from the Court of Louis XIV perhaps.

Hugo, handsome as he is, is a bit Lechy. (as in lecherous)
He says to his date Millie:
“you look beautiful, you make me hot under the collar!”
“Your dress is a little provocative”..

nb. On his first date with Millie, one of the brunette ever so pale women, he makes an unforgivably off colour joke to my mind when Millie doesn’t like the chili in the Sushi that he has just fed her:
Millie says”That’s the worst thing you ever put in my mouth”!
Hugo replies:
“Not anything as bad as what you’ve put in your mouth”!

Millie is embarrassed enough by this to actually look to camera (to the cameraman).
However she does not get up and walk out like i was secretly wishing that she would…

Hugo claims not to ‘get’ sarcasm but you think he is being sarcastic making rude comments. However he thinks he is flirting but it just comes across as creepy. He even commits the unforgivable sin of slavering over a girls sleep-over and making the (groan) usual comments…

Maybe it’s acceptable when you are rich and extremely handsome if a little evil courtier who looks like he could have been chatting up the Ladies in their powdered wigs and bustiers centuries ago. In the Court of Louis XIV The Sun King perhaps.

Hugo would then have been resplendent in diamond buckled shoes, a starched and frilled cravat, fetching tights and doublet of the finest silk. No doubt. Cackling away behind his hands to his best friend Spencer, passing billet doux, hand written notes instead of text messages.

It struck me at one point that the conversation style of laconic bored and sarcastic sounding ‘quips’ or mot de jours transported to the 2st Century employed by the boys and perhaps to some extent the girls is all very Jane Austen in style and flavour. Just not anything like so witty..

to be continued

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